I first launched my workshop (or, playshop) in February.
Here’s what I did after I wrote the sales page:
Went to my dayjob, thought about telling people about my thing, worried about telling people about my thing.
And I was relieved when no one signed up. The inner critic still said, “see?” but my gut wanted me to go deeper.
“I have more to show you.” It gently, lovingly, revealed so much.
I got more and more gratitude for “first launch failure” as time went by. Now I’m at pretty full gratitude capacity, because it’s just a reminder I can always change my story (like by, ahem, showing up) and even this winding road is still…perfect.
In the weeks since my “failure”:
I took my own advice and rested from extra podcasts, books I “had to” read, things I “should” do (like figure out my perfect morning routine).
I listened to The Alchemist for the first time. As much as I enjoyed it, I craved rereading Women Who Run With the Wolves hella strong afterwards.
Turned my attention to Chinnamasta, the goddess I’ve been drawn to for years (without knowing her name until recently).
I connected with Goddess Inanna’s descent in this course with the incredible Sarah Durham Wilson.
Got clarity on how I want to deliver, what I’m on fire to create, and how my inner critic sneaks in.
I’ve approached fears I didn’t want to look at before, such as: what happens when “they” find out I’m a fraud (Tanya Geisler does ahmazing work on this), when will I be able to support myself with my soul gifts, what if I need to have everything figured out before I can do this? Hey there inner critic.
I took time to see deeper into what I really wanted to offer.
Finishing deep coaching with Susana Frioni, I learned so much about the power I’ve been hiding from (the warrior archetype), and found an inner support system (personal goddesses and queens, hell yes).
I caught myself trying to find The Solution outside myself again. The Solution is something external that'll "fix" you because you aren't "enough" and can't do it for yourself. (BS, btw.)
All of this brings me back to these intentions: vulnerability, authenticity, Truth, Love, Queen…I’m so over trying to do it “right.”
I showed up, lived my truth, and however it lands is cool with me.
I almost forgot these lessons when I relaunched the playshop - started things too fast, too soon. That’s how it goes, though, so the intentions above are a daily meditation and in my notebooks.
My coach gently and firmly reminded me it’s silly to start a course only a week after you tell people about it. When it's a baby biz. And you didn't tell too many people about it. Or straightforwardly. Or even your people. Yup, showing up can be so hard.
Then I kept pushing it back. (P.S. It's staying April 24th now.) Scary, tho: am I avoiding putting in the work again, is this hiding, am I taking too much time to pause before relaunch?
I delayed launching my course until I could show up more vulnerably, authentically, and with Love instead of Fear. To remember my real purpose here. And stay on the throne.
The journey with Sarah.
I was so healed, inspired, and set. on. fire by how she showed up. Her authenticity, vulnerability, and devotion to the work reminded me why I created a business, why I want to do my own work so authentically. It gave me language for my spiritual journey (Maiden to Mother/Queen, Queen Mother). It gave me compassion for moments when I get petty/fearful/stingy/lost/numby (“oh, Maiden, there you are”). It gave me words for how I want to feel: centered, in my power, trusting my intuition and the universe, showing up fully as me (a.k.a. putting the Queen in charge, staying on my throne).
The meditations on Chinnamasta.
With the help of this book, I realized I’ve been drawn to shadow work, and actually have another force I could connect with to support me. Leaving the light to someone else, embracing my work in the underworld, has felt reigniting because it’s so true to me. I adore, and am so challenged by, moving through inner darkness, coming out the other side broken in all the right places, ready to be filled in with gold. And helping other women move through this too, for their most well-lived lives.
Finished coaching with Susana.
My soul had raised its hand for these sessions. They helped me learn about my inner critic, discover and imagine my "endgoal" in my business, the power I want to step into. Most of all, I’ve loved discovering I’d disconnected from my strength, my Warrior aspect. I used to believe in staying small small, cute, soft to accomplish things and be loved (sigh). This discovery meant choosing another belief, that I can step into my power. Speaking of stepping into power...
Looking for The Solution outside myself. Again.
So, back when I thought the self-helpy world would solve my problems: I'd time my breaks, choose nonfiction and usefulness over play and soulfood, read all the productivity and success books whether they resonated with me or not, etc. I thought I had to grow, develop, evolve, change, because…I wasn't good enough and the next thing would fix me. When I slide back into this mentality, it's good to remember: just no, baby, no. Everything you need to know to live your best life is already with you. You're enough as you are. If you want new info or more things to enjoy, your soul will guide you there. Listen. You are your own Solution.
All these insights made my workshop, previously an “well, I guess…” into a YES. This work, everything it’s evolving into, is setting my life on fire. And, surprise, it's igniting me even more the longer I stay with my truth instead of the “shoulds."
I’m grateful to be guide for this, grateful for the "failure," grateful to everything and everyone helping me serve best I can.
All of this + more is what I’ll be exploring in my “pause, realign, restart” workshop to help women feel fully full in their real, daily life.
Join if you feel the call.